This time of year can draw our attention to aloneness. It can magnify family dysfunction, increase financial strain, and amplify all kinds of stress, strain, and emotional struggle.

Most of us can think of a situation that has left a lasting mark. Maybe someone you love has died. I can certainly relate, my brother died one year ago, and my dad six years ago, just before Christmas.

Maybe you’ve recently separated or divorced and this is your first festive season without your kids. Maybe you’re ill or in pain and don’t even want to see anyone right now. Perhaps being around your family brings disturbance or distress, you might know why, or you might not.

Maybe your housing situation feels uncertain, or you can’t afford your next rent, let alone a pile of Christmas gifts. Maybe your heart has just been broken and you don’t know how you’ll get through another moment without them, let alone a time that’s meant to be “joyous.”

So, just in case this season isn’t feeling happy for you, I want to say this clearly: whatever you’re feeling is okay.

And feeling guilty because things aren’t good right now doesn’t help either. There is no requirement to feel grateful, festive, hopeful, or cheerful on demand. Don’t fall into the trap of believing you should feel something that isn’t authentic. Offer yourself the same compassion you would give someone you love. Give yourself permission to feel what is real, without judgment.

If you have the capacity, you might gently notice one small thing you’re grateful for - not as a correction, but as a pause. Let yourself feel it for a breath or two. Hold it lightly, then let it go. And if that gratitude quietly spills into other parts of your life, or toward someone else, that’s enough. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

Sometimes getting through this season isn’t about finding joy, it’s about being kind to yourself as you move through it, one moment at a time.