Humans are creatures of habit. Once we have learned a behaviour, we move it to the autopilot part of our brain so we don’t have to think about it anymore.

This is a very useful strategy - imagine if you had to consciously think about every step involved each time you brushed your teeth or made a cup of tea. However, the downside is that once behaviours become established and habitual, they can be difficult to change. Change usually requires deliberate, conscious effort.

Many theorists have dedicated time to understanding how habits work and how and why people change. There are numerous theories and models that explore this process. Below are some of my reflections, informed by the Transtheoretical Model and the Stages of Change (Marlatt &  Gordon, 1985).

Conscious Awareness

You can’t make a change unless the behaviour (or habit) is within your conscious awareness. Denial is different from not noticing or not knowing - denial is more about not admitting the truth to yourself. Awareness is the first step toward meaningful change.

Ambivalence

Change is difficult to establish if you feel ambivalent about it. Perhaps the change isn’t a priority right now - and that’s important to acknowledge. Social, emotional, physiological, and environmental factors all play a role in whether the timing feels right. Ambivalence doesn’t mean failure; it simply means you’re human.

Preparation

Preparation involves identifying and addressing any gaps in knowledge or support that may prevent you from taking action. Do you need to engage a professional, attend a group, or is support from friends, family, or peers sufficient?

Creating a clear and realistic plan of action helps you focus and gives you direction. Preparation sets the foundation for sustainable change.

Action

With your plan in place, it’s time to take action. Focus on what is within your control - for example, how often you went to the gym rather than the number on the scales.

Notice your achievements, no matter how small they may seem, and reward yourself for forming new habits. Your brain’s reward centre expects reinforcement - so give it one! This might be reminding yourself how committed and capable you are, or sharing your progress with a trusted support person.

Keep Going

There is always a risk of slipping back into old habits. Set yourself up for success by changing your environment to support your new behaviour.

Plan ahead for cravings or urges related to old habits. Remove triggers where possible, use healthy alternatives, and distract yourself with activities that work for you - such as going for a shower, having a conversation, practising meditation, or taking a mindful pause.

Relapses

If you experience a “blip” or fall back into an old pattern, try not to be hard on yourself. Instead, approach the setback with curiosity and self-awareness. What was happening at the time? What can you learn from it?

Review your action plan and adjust it if needed. Most importantly, hold yourself with compassion. High-risk situations, especially those outside your control, can derail even the most motivated people. Remember that you are human, and reconnect with why you wanted to make the change in the first place.

My Final Thoughts

Change isn’t linear - it’s a process. One that we are all capable of navigating with awareness, intention, and support. With self-compassion, confidence, and hope, change becomes not just possible, but sustainable.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Working with a counsellor or coach can help you understand where you are in the change process, identify what’s getting in the way, and clarify your next steps.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to explore change at your own pace, I invite you to reach out or learn more about how we can work together.

References:

Gideon, S. (2021) The Transtheoretical Model: The 6 Stages Of Behavior Change 

https://sabinegedeon.com/transtheoretical-model-stages-behavior-change/ Accessed 5 January 2026)

Marlatt, G. A. and Gordon, J. R. (1985). Relapse prevention: Maintenance strategies in the treatment of addictive behaviours. New York: Guilford Press.